What is the relationship between stress and happiness? Simply put, stress is the outward expression of fear, while happiness comes from a prolonged state of joy and the absence of negative emotions like anger, sadness and fear. With this understanding, learning how to manage your stress and emotions can lead to happiness at work and in life.
Before Stress, there is Fear
Fear is an essential human emotion that can help protect you, prepare you for action, and in the face of danger, triggers one of three reactions: fight, flight or freeze. These sympathetic responses are instinctual and date back to our ancestors coming face-to-face with dangerous animals, but do they still help us today?
The likelihood of running into a wild bear on the street corner is close to impossible and as it turns out, 90% of our fears are not real – they are narratives made up by our thoughts and imaginations. This means that most of our stress today is triggered when we anticipate the worst, tell ourselves stories that end badly and often boil down to two scenarios: “I'm going to fail” or “I'm going to disappoint others”.
The problem here is that our brains cannot distinguish between a wild bear and a story that we have thought up. In both cases, it reacts the same way and triggers the same responses of fight, flight or freeze. As smart as our brain is, in this case it cannot tell what is real and what is not.
What does a Flight Response at Work Look Like?
Fleeing manifests itself with inaction and avoidance. At work, this is the tendency to procrastinate, postpone action, make excuses and anticipate every problem to avoid moving forward. Seeking the perfect solution before working on a problem or focusing on insignificant tasks instead of tackling difficult ones is also a symptom of fleeing.
What does a Fight Response at Work Look Like?
A fight response at work often manifests itself with someone trying to do too much and refusing help. Demanding perfection from yourself or from others, trying to control projects and situations and criticizing in the pursuit of being right are all behaviors demonstrated by someone in “fight mode”.
How to Find the Right Balance
Fighting or fleeing occasionally is completely normal and generally has no longstanding consequences. However, remaining in these states for prolonged periods of time can become problematic.
By constantly fighting or fleeing, we train our rational brain to develop beliefs that reinforce our protective behaviors. Over time and with repetition, this turns the occasional thought (our imagination of fear) into a deep conviction of danger. In turn, a deep conviction is much harder to put into perspective than a simple thought!
The Impact of Sustained Fighting and Fleeing
When fear drives our actions and behaviors, we lose an essential freedom: the freedom to make our own choices. We no longer act with intention, but out of protection against failure or disappointment. This prevents us from being authentic, being true to ourselves and from fulfilling our potential.
Avoiding these issues can be detrimental to our self-confidence. Without allowing yourself the grace to try and possible fail, we end up believing that we are incapable of changing and improving. This belief is obviously not reality, but over time is reinforced as such.
On the other hand, trying too hard can also be damaging. Perfectionism is unattainable and only leaves us feeling like we need to do more to feel fulfilled, valued and proud. Once again, this is a belief, not a reality.
Not Letting Fear Control our Choices
We can regain control of our choices by putting our thoughts into perspective. This means recognizing the negative narratives we create, re-evaluating them, and either stepping back or replacing them with more positive stories, like envisioning success instead of fearing failure.
The fight, flight, and freeze responses present physically through symptoms such as an increased heart rate, a tight feeling in your stomach, or clenched fists. By working on these physical reactions, we can regain control of our choices. Breathing, for example, is an excellent way of dismantling the stress response. By breathing deeply, we help our body return to a normal heartbeat, which tempers instinctive reactions of fight, flight or freeze.
Breathing is so effective because it is a universal signal for the brain. If faced with a predator ready to devour us, nobody would be able to breathe calmly. It's only when the danger has passed, and the bear has gone away, that breathing can return to a normal rhythm – and that is a signal to the brain that we are safe. If in times of stress you can regulate your breathing, you can trick your brain into thinking you are safe.
In addition to breathing, laughter and physical activity can also release emotional buildup and stress. To improve self-esteem, you can also incorporate gratitude and empathy practices into your daily routine. These elements create a wonderful formula for stress relief.
The idea here is to simplify the concept of stress so that it can be better understood. However, with high levels of stress over long periods of time it is advisable to seek the support of a specialist.
To gain a clearer understanding of your own stress triggers, as well as those of your team members, using psychometrics for self-awareness is an especially effective tool.